"For fuck's sake we could have had the Havan tomorrow but God is on a tight schedule"
On judgement day I wake to the smell of
the cardamom in masala chai that even my
tired nose knows is not kadak enough
because dad likes it watery and dadu has
diabetes.
Guys I am so stressed I need to
pick my year 12 subjects by 2pm today
it doesn't matter today is about family and
God.
Dadi carefully irons the creases out of my
brother's teenage mutant ninja turtles Kmart
t-shirt but raises a painted eyebrow at my knees
on display even though it's a 42 degree day oh
for fuck's sake we could have had the Havan
tomorrow but apparently God is on a tight schedule.
Unfiltered morning sunlight glints off the pandit's
gold bangle as he flicks his wrist and says swaha!
the weary bones of dadu's shoulders
the slouch in my mother's back
the disinterest in my brother's eyes
are all part of the offerings made to the fire.
I wish I believed enough to concentrate on the
words spilling out of the pandit’s mouth
mum chides me for sulking in my room and
marvelling at the necrosis of my own faith
after coming closest to god i have for months;
I'm sorry Dadi the only thing religion has
taught me is that Parvati can become Kali.
I throw the Courtney Barnett shirt I wore to the
pooja in the wash because it smells of how
my lungs grew heavy with the weight of burnt
sage and chants and my ribs grew heavy
with the weight of my lungs.
I guess the least
I could have done is worn my jhumkas.
I take a Snapchat of Dadu teaching my nine year old
brother the importance of Krishna, Shiva and
Ganesha while Dadi and mum make the slouching pandit
more roti.
Main artwork produced by author Kavya Malhotra, @prettyjosten